I Used To Be Somebody Else....

I had a sad realization today. Actually I've had it a few times but today it really kind of depressed me. I don't really know what to think about it. I realized I don't really have a best friend. Kind of weird to think about. I have people I'm close to and people that I'm really good friends with but no one that is like my best friend. It's really strange. I have had people that I once considered my best friends but things change. It seems like things always change. It depresses me a little bit but I'm still mostly happy. It's only really hits me when I'm just sitting here thinking about life. I think it could be the fact that I'm scared to tell people my life story. Not because I'm really ashamed of it but just because I don't know if people could handle it or if they would even accept me after the whole thing.

It could be that I've changed a lot and it's hard to keep up with someone who is changing. So this Hawk Nelson song just came on that fits perfectly called Somebody Else.

"I used to be somebody else,
I'm holding out for a good reason
The people around me, they all seem to tell me
That I tend to change like the seasons,
I used to be somebody else. "

Rock The River

So I've decided that one way or another, I am going to that. I just have to sweet talk my mom.

DCI in two weeks....

SO MUCH AWESOMENESS!!

I feel....

like my whole life has changed in a week. I've never had anything impact me like this last week has. I can't remember ever crying so much but not being sad about it. Meeting so many people and being to share such an intense experience with was.... there isn't even a word for it. There moments when I wondered why I decided to come, but then later that day something would happen and I would realize that there was a reason for me coming. It wasn't what I expected at all. It was so much different than my expectations. I felt so close to people I barely even knew. I want to go back so bad, I want to just escape back there. You are basically cut off from the world and I loved it so much. I actually felt like I made a difference. Who knew a bunch of middle schoolers could impact my life so much.

It was such a roller coaster. There were moments I felt so out of place it killed me and then other times I just felt like I was home. It was strange the places I felt most at peace or at home. I didn't think I would miss it as much as I am. I managed to get pretty close with some of the kids and I was not expecting that.

Now I'm back to the real world and it kinda sucks. I don't know what to do about certain things but I just have faith that things will work out as they should. I don't understand some people at all, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs but I know it wont help. I'll just accept that that is they way they are and keep loving them.

I wanna go back....

You and Onions

is a really good song (thank you Brooke for make me download the CD =D).

I really don't know what to think about life right now. Last night was pretty awesome even though I saw my life flash before my eyes a few times. Life is so crazy right now. I find myself just sitting there feeling lost. Hopefully next week will be a nice break for me. I really can't wait for camp, it will be really nice to escape for awhile.

Why can't I just be happy for her? It's still so weird. He puts money in purse, pays for my new tires and oil change, and buys me fireworks. The jokes don't really help much but there isn't a whole lot I can do about that.

I guess only time will tell....